While my neighbours are terrorizing me with their vuvuzelas and my internet is slower than an athritic turtle walking backwards (if it is there at all), I’ve actually managed to write 3475 words and finish chapter 39 and the second part of Upon my Honour at the same time.
This means that I’m going to start Part Three soon (yeah, I know, that comes as a surprise), something I’m looking forward to ever since I’ve started writing Upon my Honour. I’m getting to reveal the secret and the connections between the characters, and I’ll finally get the romance I’ve been aiming to write from the start… making my inner girl very happy.
My only problem is that I’m not feeling quite content with what I’ve written – again. When I read what I’ve written, everything is fine, and I can’t put my finger on any problem, but I can’t shake that feeling that what I’ve written is total crap and that I shouldn’t post this anywhere, and that it’s a total waste of time to try and finish this story.
Maybe it’s because the plot and character development have changed so much from what I’ve originally had in mind that I can’t be quite content – Mr Farrington was actually planned as a classic “Rogue”, a very unlikeable character who turns out to be not as bad as Catherine had suspected, but that didn’t work out quite as planned. Although he is portrayed as a man being talked about, he actually is quite nice, if you can overlook what Miss Blackwood and Miss Alworth say.
I guess I’m just not quite content with the whole story. I feel like Upon my Honour is not romantic enough, not exciting enough, the secret is all too apparent to experienced readers and as a whole, the plot, the characters and the style are not good enough to warrant the effort of finishing the story and then posting it. It kind of feels like a waste of time… that changes when I read the separate chapters and can’t find anything to change, but the overall impression is less than favourable. Maybe I should wait with my final decision about posting or not-posting until the story is finished, but in the meantime, I can’t help but having a bad feeling about this.