And what shall I do now?

The Long Way Home is waiting to get a general revision, but I’m not really motivated to do that right now. First, I don’t like revisions in general (and that is an understatement), and second, I’ve only just finished revising 250 pages of Harry Potter fanfiction… enough is enough. In addition, I really like to write in German now that I’ve gotten into it again, and I doubt that I’m going to find a lot of mistakes in an English text when I’ve just started to think in German again. So… I guess I’m going to wait a bit with that, and do just the same with Upon my Honour. It won’t run away, and I’m confident that soon, I’m going to get another OMG! I have to read Jane Austen!-Flash again, and then’ll be the right time to re-read the manuscript and finish it, even though it is temting to take one of these (nearly) finished projects and post them while my beta readers are taking a look at my marauder fic.

Okay

I’ve decided to pause Upon my Honour for the moment… or rather, my muse decided to pause it for me. During the Soccer World Cup, a friend of mine, who’s a great fan, talked so much about Soccer Player Real Person Fanfiction that I decided to read, and ultimately, write some, so I’ve started a new story called Truths (that nevertheless is written in German). With that, work on Upon my Honour has moved aside for the moment, although I’m staying in the genre and still writing romance. I guess I’ll get back to it after I’ve either tired of Truths or need to wait for reality to catch up with my writing.

Part Two

While my neighbours are terrorizing me with their vuvuzelas and my internet is slower than an athritic turtle walking backwards (if it is there at all), I’ve actually managed to write 3475 words and finish chapter 39 and the second part of Upon my Honour at the same time.

This means that I’m going to start Part Three soon (yeah, I know, that comes as a surprise), something I’m looking forward to ever since I’ve started writing Upon my  Honour. I’m getting to reveal the secret and the connections between the characters, and I’ll finally get the romance I’ve been aiming to write from the start… making my inner girl very happy.

My only problem is that I’m not feeling quite content with what I’ve written – again. When I read what I’ve written, everything is fine, and I can’t put my finger on any problem, but I can’t shake that feeling that what I’ve written is total crap and that I shouldn’t post this anywhere, and that it’s a total waste of time to try and finish this story.

Maybe it’s because the plot and character development have changed so much from what I’ve originally had in mind that I can’t be quite content – Mr Farrington was actually planned as a classic “Rogue”, a very unlikeable character who turns out to be not as bad as Catherine had suspected, but that didn’t work out quite as planned. Although he is portrayed as a man being talked about, he actually is quite nice, if you can overlook what Miss Blackwood and Miss Alworth say.

I guess I’m just not quite content with the whole story. I feel like Upon my Honour is not romantic enough, not exciting enough, the secret is all too apparent to experienced readers and as a whole, the plot, the characters  and the style are not good enough to warrant the effort of finishing the story and then posting it. It kind of feels like a waste of time… that changes when I read the separate chapters and can’t find anything to change, but the overall impression is less than favourable. Maybe I should wait with my final decision about posting or not-posting until the story is finished, but in the meantime, I can’t help but having a bad feeling about this.

I must be insane…

Jeah, I know… old news, but the reason why I need to tell you again – yesterday, I managed to write 8156 words, more than my previous record from writing Flieg mit mir, a German Draco Malfoy/Ginny Weasley-One-Shot. The Pen and Paper RPG Group I’ve been writing next to was not adequately awed by that feat, they rather thought I had a screw loose, but I am proud nevertheless.

I’ve managed to jump from the middle of Chapter 29 to the end of Chapter 34, about eleven pages, and written a few key scenes I’ve been looking forward to from the beginning of the story. Now there isn’t much to do left for Catherine and me in Bath… only three letters, an aunt, a brother, an unexpected passerby and maybe an annoying visitor. From the looks of it, I don’t even know if she can stay in Bath until the end of Chapter 40, as I had originally planned, or if she has to go home earlier, where the interesting part of the Story starts. Romance, here I come!

After my motivation had reached a new low in the last days and weeks, yesterday was really a boost, and now I’m looking forward to continuing Upon my Honour. The problem with that is that today my lectures at university start again because the holidays are over, and well… I haven’t done much with that free time except sitting at home and killing Orcs (lots of Orcs). The timing is really bad, but at least Thursday is a national holiday and I’m spared the most annoying part of the week. Thankfully.

Gradually…

…I’m feeling how awfully exhausting 20 hours of attendance at university and work together are. There’s a lot to do for me, and I’m really glad that I’ve got Thursday off next week and a bit of leisure time. At the moment, I’m just procrastinating, at least where my uni work is concerned, which, admittedly, is not the best Idea I’ve ever had, but I just can’t bring myself to work, and I’ve had birthday, and Lord of the Rings and Jane Austen Fanfiction are so much more interesting…

Upon my Honour is getting along just fine, Catherine finally managed to get to Bath, Mrs Bennet is annoying her and delighting me, and I’m nearly ready to send the next five chapters to my beta, even though I haven’t got the last five back.

What is annoying me a bit while writing are all these other plot bunnies attacking me. To be more specific, I’m already planning to write about Colonel Fitzwilliam and his wife (yes, that lady he is rumoured to be in love with while Catherine is in Bath), about Elizabeth, who had actually married Mr Wickham and is left behind when he abandons her (yes, I am cruel)… those ideas are both too good to forget about them, but I should finish Upon my Honour before I start something new and bigger… and Nebel über Hogwarts and In Good Faith are also waiting to get written. But maybe… among the DVDs I got for my birthday was X-Men: First Class, and if the film is as good as the previous ones, it might bring me to finally finish In Good Faith… after a lot more years than I care to remember. Downside of the film is that Logan is not in it, but in exchange, I got Hank, who’s been growing more and more on me while writing In Good Faith, and maybe we’ll find out more about him and his mutation so I can play with that.

But that’s all far in the future – right now, I’m happy if I don’t add a third to my two unfinished fanfictions!